When Spiritual Development Gets Sticky

Maybe you’re someone, who after going to a meditation retreat like at Spirit Rock, was able to completely let go of what was bothering you. Perhaps you were able to forgive your boss for being a challenging personality or even your parents. However, after a week back you found yourself stuck in the same patterns you were in before the retreat. The good news is you can now see the patterns you are in more clearly; the bad news, you are still helpless to change them.

We are living during an interesting time where the spiritual, psychological and somatic (body) are in conversation with each other. For us to unfold as human beings, I believe, we need to address all three.

When addressing only one of these three areas, people struggle. For example, people who develop solely spiritually, avoiding psychological and emotional wounds, may still struggle with things like their relationships or holding a job. John Welwood, an American psychologist and teacher coined the term “Spiritual Bypassing” for people like this, including himself. Not all of us want to live at the monastery full-time. Some of us want to be active in the world. And, in the world we have things like taxes, jobs, chores, relationships, kids that need tending to.

Not all of us want to live at the monastery full-time. Some of us want to be active in the world. And, in the world we have things like taxes, jobs, chores, relationships, kids that need tending to.

As psychotherapists and coaches, many of us were trained to only work with thoughts and emotions without attending to the body. Yet the body holds a lot of our wounding. Some of our wounding happened in the first year of life (i.e. pre-verbal) and all we have are felt senses without words. Also, sensing into these felt senses can evoke existential questions like “Who am I?” or “Why am I here?” thus bringing us into deep spiritual inquiry. Without a spiritual guide we can feel lost and confused.

Supplement your Spiritual Practice

Many people realize it’s easy to go away and do “spiritual work” (i.e. retreats, conferences, events), however the challenge is embodying and integrating our experiences when we return home. This applies to not just meditation retreats but any event where your old habits melt away and for a moment you get in contact with your authentic self or life’s bigger questions, only to lose contact with that experience weeks later.

This applies to not just meditation retreats but any event where your old habits melt away and for a moment you get in contact with your authentic self or life’s bigger questions, only to lose contact with that experience weeks later.

Unfolding work is a great way to bring “spiritual work” into our day-to-day life. By moving towards our blockages we can understand them and loosen their hold on us, thus opening up to our authentic selves.

Though each unfolding session looks different there are some essential qualities:

• Be with what is actually here and let it arise
  It could be an agitation from a conversation at work, or joy from a nourishing dinner with a dear friend.
• See what unfolds
  Parts of ourselves can get in the way from feeling strong emotions. These parts can be angry, fearful, distracting, or judging inner critics to name a few.
• Stay with the discomfort
  We’ve protected ourselves from feeling strong difficult emotions for most our lives so staying with them will be hard! Be gentle. That’s why having a guide with you in the discomfort is valuable.

By moving towards our blockages we can understand them and loosen their hold on us, thus opening up to our authentic selves.

There are other practices that can accompany unfolding work. For the purposes of this article I will keep it simple.

Interested in Learning More?

If you are interested in trying an unfolding session please contact me for a consultation or read more here.